Sciences politiques et économiques 101

[cherry]

All you need to know about Political Science!

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?

SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

You wait in line for hours to get it.

It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing

expenses.

Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.

Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You

count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.

The cow is schizophrenic.

Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.

The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.

The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.

The cow asks permission to be cut in half.

The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking one.

Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.

Some people vote for

both.

Some people vote for neither.

Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.

They make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegals.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

[Nemesis]

Même si ça fait trés cliché, c'est parfois criant de vérité

[alpha bet]

and what about the pq cow or liberal cow from qouebec

[Invité]

Caricatural certes mais pas mal quand meme, la gréve francaise est de renommée mondiale.

Mais une question se pose (et en Anglais pour la continuité du texte)

How come they know Schwarzie likes big udders/nipples (observing Maria you can't guess)? :glups:

[cherry]

and what about the pq cow or liberal cow from qouebec

Voici ma proposition, cynique à souhait, juste pour le fun:

LE MODÈLE QUÉBÉCOIS

Vous avez une vache, un boeuf et un veau.

Le veau aimerait bien se nourrir au pis de sa mère mais celui-ci est vidé par l'homme.

La vache qui se fait traire trouve qu'on devrait lui laisser un peu de lait pour le veau, mais elle se contente de meugler et de manger des protéines animales.

Le boeuf lui aimerait bien baisé la vache pour faire un autre veau, mais la vache est trop fatiguée et de toute façon, il n'y aurait pas assez de lait pour le second veau, le premier crevant déjà de faim.

Les vaches de l?étable forment finalement un syndicat pour faire valoir leurs droits, mais l?homme leur impose le baîllon. Il veut leur lait sans conditions.

Le veau affamé se fait achevé et on le vend en escaloppes nappées de sauce au cognac dans un restaurant chic. Il avait pourtant la rage de vivre et aurait pu devenir un b?uf fort et travaillant.

Le boeuf se branle à défaut d?avoir pu répandre sa semence. Il finit par se suicider.

La vache esseulée et dégoûtée devient lesbienne. L?homme lui tire encore et toujours son lait.

La vache finit par mourir de sa belle mort sans s?être reproduite. Ses consoeurs aussi.

L?homme n?ayant plus de lait car plus de vache fait faillite.

Un riche texan débarque, achète tout son équipement et part en Chine, là où les vaches coûtent moins cher mais donnent du lait de moins bonne qualité. Au moins, pas de risque à ce qu?elles se révoltent pour avoir des veaux en santé : il y a une surpopulation et toute reproduction est interdite! Le texan peut donc tiré tout le lait qu?il veut et le revendre avec un profit énorme à l?homme qui a fait faillite.

D'autres suggestions?

[Invité]

Trop poetique, on ne peut rien ajouter

Ah si ! ....EXCELLENT

[svetab]

La vache!!!

Et l'Inde! vous avez oubliez l'Inde et les gens qui n'ont rien à manger et regardent passer leurs biftecks sur pattes avec adoration... remarque même en Inde la vache n'est plus en sécurité, ils en ont occis quelques unes pour des questions de proximité et d'hygiène.

En plus, commes les vaches sont toutes plus au moins devenues aussi folles que les humains, ca crée des liens, on arrive plus à les manger et on est de plus en plus de végétariens, je sais tout ça n'a rien à voir (quoique...) mais bon franchement au point où on en est! :zentil:

Plus on est de fous, plus on rit

[Petit-Lion]

Z'ont donc pas de taureaux, au Quouébec? Ça doit être à cause des vaches castratrices...

[Petit-Lion]

Sans parler du veau qui a tendance à fuguer, mais on le comprend, vous verriez son père, une vraie face de boeuf :glups: